i feel like im slowly waking up from a long long sleep. im not quite awake yet but not really asleep either. im awake enough to realise that it was a bad dream, but not awake enough to pull myself free of the clutches of sleep.
a somewhat apt metaphor although not 100% accurate. i do feel like ive been sleepwalking through life the past few years. there are brief periods of wakefulness and realisation that im not altogether here and not really participating in the human race. but then i just as quickly slip back in and that brief moment of clarity and wakefulness feels like the dream and even the memory of it is swallowed whole by the nightmare.
at this point in my dramatasization of my life, the nightmare on elmstreet comes to mind... the original one, not the crappy remake. they want to wake up but the nightmare keeps drawing them back in.
we pause this introspection to bring you squeee news... squirrel spotted eating bits of food. pauses when it hears something. runs off and hides in a corner by flattening itself to the ground... looks up to check if anything is around and he goes flat again... looks like he is doing teeny squeerel push ups. all the while continues munching.
i think these two days have been the happiest ive had in a long while. i feel like there is no weight of the world on me. there is small simple joys like seeing a cute squirrel and family who appreciates the joy with me.
and with that thought im drawn back to the realisation that this is all temporary. i have to go back to sleep now. or maybe this is the dream and its time to wake up and this feeling of peace will fade like all dreams do. its only the nightmares that stay.
a somewhat apt metaphor although not 100% accurate. i do feel like ive been sleepwalking through life the past few years. there are brief periods of wakefulness and realisation that im not altogether here and not really participating in the human race. but then i just as quickly slip back in and that brief moment of clarity and wakefulness feels like the dream and even the memory of it is swallowed whole by the nightmare.
at this point in my dramatasization of my life, the nightmare on elmstreet comes to mind... the original one, not the crappy remake. they want to wake up but the nightmare keeps drawing them back in.
we pause this introspection to bring you squeee news... squirrel spotted eating bits of food. pauses when it hears something. runs off and hides in a corner by flattening itself to the ground... looks up to check if anything is around and he goes flat again... looks like he is doing teeny squeerel push ups. all the while continues munching.
i think these two days have been the happiest ive had in a long while. i feel like there is no weight of the world on me. there is small simple joys like seeing a cute squirrel and family who appreciates the joy with me.
and with that thought im drawn back to the realisation that this is all temporary. i have to go back to sleep now. or maybe this is the dream and its time to wake up and this feeling of peace will fade like all dreams do. its only the nightmares that stay.
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