Tuesday, January 24, 2012

De-motivated

No no not "demotivational" (fun site that btw!)... de-motivated. Feeling rather de-motivated at work nowadays. No matter what I try to do to get some value added from a job that has gone way past its expiration date in terms of career development, (or any sort of development for that matter) i get completely shot down from all ends.

A while back I applied for a mentoring program hoping to get some advise / direction / something from a senior person at work, looking for any avenue of guidance. Well today I got an email saying that I had been accepted into the program and I should be excited or please or at the very least be somewhat interested - nope. instead my first thought was more like, whats the point and annoyance that I would have to attend some sort of orientation session.

this job is going no-where. its so past its expiration date that its begining to stink up the place - yes i went with that metaphor. here's another mega dramatic metaphor - this job crushes your soul piece by piece while chuckling away like the soul torturing demon that it is. Yes its a great place to work, yes it has great opportunities, yes the prestige, great place to work, good money, yadda yadda yadda. All those benefits and opportunities? I don't get to have them. Not a single one. No travel to any place good. No more trainings.  No opportunities to learn anything new. So the pay is good - other places pay better.

Why would i be interested in working well or putting any effort in doing work that I did the first year that i was here - learnt it, did that, over it already. it wasnt challenging or interesting the first time around but at least it was new and there was the hope of better things to come. not only are there no better things to come, there is no real value added of anything i do and no recognition. no wait, thats wrong, i do get recognition - but the recognition i get feels false and wrong because what am i getting praise for - good job making this review look good (and how do we do that? well by making sure that the table headings are nice and large, the text is colour coded and there is a graph in there somewhere.) anyone bother reading the content? i dont think so. besides what is the content - regurgitating what someone else said - hello ever heard of a parrot or a tape recorder?

anyways. back to the delight that is my work. been goofing off the past couple of days. really need to get cracking on copy pasting those tables and colour coding those rows and columns. oh and musnt forget - emailing a bunch of people and ruining their day - that is, if they even bother to open my email. (oh look its an email from her - DELETE!)


all this does wonders for my confidence btw. cant even make a bloody frakking table without getting it checked by someone and then getting comments about the colours. 

No comments: