just thoughts

its funny how big a barrier language can be. even though all of us generally talk in english, all our studies are in english, im writing this blog in english. and we may not realise it but everyday conversation in english with an urdu speaker is so different with an everyday conversation in english with an english speaker. the english that we speak is filled with urdu-english (urlish? englu?) slang that we so unconsciously use that when you can no longer use them, normal conversation suddenly feels very very formal. when you are comfortable around soemone you automatically want to use informal language... which is a combo of english and urdu adn english slang which makes sense in our context, and when you consciously have to make an effort not to speak anything other than english... you end up not being entirely comfortable. it becomes formal. and thats a huge barrier to get past to become really close with someone.

and when someone asks me if i might end up with a gora... its hard to explain the barriers that you would have to overcome to be friends with them first and not to mention all the cultural differences that exist that would make it so impossible to even imagine wanting to be with a gora. you can talk to them, spend time with them, have a good time even.... but being close... even as friends.... i feel as if there exists no common ground whatsoever on which to bond. that doesnt mean that i cant be friends with these people. its just that it would make it all that harder to make really close friends. and maybe that will never happen given that im here for only a short time and not putting down roots. and maybe thats my own personal barrier. knowing that i wont be here for very long prevents me from wanting to become too close to anyone here. i guess i have to settle for having casual friends while im here. and besides i have so many great friends already, and those are the friends that will stay friends forever.