my motivation level for my job is now at zero. its hard to believe that it could go down further than it was before, but its true. previously at least there was work being done, some dragging and moaning across a field of broken glass, but still work was getting done. now there is no longer even a pretense of any work being done. i sit and waste my time playing online games all day long. and its pretty painful playing online games with a computer from the dark ages. The frequency of these bouts of hating my job and wanting to quit is increasing exponentially. The time is coming where i will quit.

I feel a certain amount of guilt when i think of quitting. first there is this need to defeat societal perceptions of women, i.e. working for a while and then quitting just cos they are getting married. deep down i feel this need to prove to world that i am a liberal working woman who can have a career. after all i fought for so long for that right; it feels criminal to give that up when i finally achieved it. along those lines is the guilt imposed on me by my family - if i've studied so my towards a particular goal, well then i need to stick it out.

The other part of the guilt is the practical part - getting married; need income. running a household on a one person income is not possible. I get told that often enough in various ways by various people. I need to earn a certain level of income to help maintain my new home. I suppose i could put up the first kind of guilt. this is something i cant really avoid.