i recently went through an experience, which although was very mundane nevertheless had the feeling and importance of a right (rite??... write??) of passage. I went shopping with my Mom-in Law (or as N refers to as MIL). This wasn't just any shopping trip. This was an excursion that consisted of only me and her (and one of the little monsters... who was surprisingly well-behaved!). Never before in my relationship with her have we been just the two of us interacting one on one. Its always been a family situation.

It was a good experience in that it gave both of us an opportuinty to really size each other up. No more second hand information and experience. This was the real thing upfront. It helped me see what her taste in clothes is - which to me is very important because she is making a lot of clothes for me. It also enabled me to talk to her about my preferences in clothes - also important because of the mentioned reason. It also brought about the occasion to actually see certain clothes - also very important.

But much more than the girly issue of clothing, it was in a way the building block of a very grown-up relationship. I've known parents friends and interacted with them, interacted with older relatives, professors and various other interactions with "adults". But those interactions have always been girl / child with adult / grown-up. My relationships with my husband to be, and my friends are more of relationships with equals, not adults. (Deep down in our hearts - or in some cases not so deep down - we are all still kids playing at being grown-up). My relationship with my MIL is an adult to adult relationship. It is a woman to woman relationship. And the first unchaperoned / non-surrounded by family meeting was very significant for us to see that. For me it was a chance to really know her. And for her im hoping it was a chance to see me as my own person... not as her daughter's friend, not as her friends daughter, not as her sons chosen... but as a woman in her own right.