flashbacks

i need to live on my own . for my parents i will always be a little girl.... a little girl who in their opinion is spoilt, demanding, rude and and what did my dad just call me... oh yeah a snob! they will always treat me like the little girl they dont like, and they will forever compare me to the little boy they adore (no offense to the little boy, i love him too.... but it was hard growing up next to my parents idea of perfection) . and now im an adult (supposedly!) they still treat me like the little girl who never behaves and never comes up to their expectations. and when they treat me like the child they still think i am, i find myself reacting with all the resentement of the adolescent, which i had thought i had grown out of.

when i visit my parents for a short time, im fine.... i am the adult that i have grown into.... i have an adult relationship with my parents, i have my own life. but the longer i live at home, the more the old resentements come out.... on both sides. i think my parents always resented me for not being what they wanted. for my mother.... im not the perfect typical little girl and never can be, im not the "ghareelo" type, yet she keeps trying to turn me into what im not. for my father.... im never hardworking enough, dont conform, and never fit into the perfect role of the good little daughter who never speaks out and never has an opinion.

i know its supposed to be true for all children.... in our parents eyes we will always remain children. its not so much that i object to being seen as a child in my parents eyes.... i can fight against that and make myself be seen as an adult ( i mean if they are trying to get me married off.... they really have to see me as an adult!). its more that they still treat me as the child who never meets their expectations, the child they have to love, but would find it easier to love if i were someone else... someone more to their liking.