addictions

they say that once u are an alcoholic you are always an alcoholic. i guess that is true for all addictions. never made sense to me untill i faced my own addiction. they say depression is a disease, but it doesnt start that way, and it doesnt end that way. its created by a mix of ur own mental fuck-ups and the way life fucks u over. its a disease. and its an addiction. ur body, ur mental state, everything becomes so used to, so...addicted.... to the screwed up chemicals, to the screwed up lifestyle, that it becomes who u are. u forget how to be anyone else, and u r scared of even trying to be someone else because u wouldn't recognise the person you are that exists outside of depression. and even when u do escape it...nothing is ever the same. u can be happy and you can find love and u can be content with life, and u can even be sad. but one disappointment, one tear, one heartbreak, its like one glass of alcohol.....once u start down that road, all the old temptations pull u, and its not as simple as don't drink another glass....sometimes just the thought scares u, because u know what it means. its a fight all over, you have to fight all your demons all over again. they say alcoholism is a life long affliction, even when you dont drink. i guess i understand that now.